Get You Through
by Kegel
Summary: Meredith could not refuse her that she would try. Post ‘Some Kind of Miracle’. MeredithCristina friendship.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters.

**Summary: **Meredith could not refuse her that she would try. Post 'Some Kind of Miracle'. MeredithCristina friendship.

**A/N: **My very first try on a Grey's Anatomy fic.

* * *

**Get You Through**

"I wasn't here." She said it straight-forwardly, watching the reaction of her friend, expecting nothing more than silence.

"That's okay," Meredith assured her, shifting somewhat in her hospital bed. "They wouldn't have let you do anything…"

Cristina shook her head slightly, still looking at Meredith earnestly, her gaze not swaying away.

"I mean, I wasn't _here_." She sounded as if she had to make Meredith understand, who smiled faintly.

"What did you do?" she wanted to know, sounding rather curious.

"I was shopping," Cristina returned weakly. "And at Joe's. And…"

"That's nice," Meredith smiled wider and Cristina could not overhear nor overlook that the calmness seemed drug-induced, the pain meds having obviously set it.

"I didn't think I could do it," she explained and Meredith's concentrated listening expression told her that she was not that drugged up as she had thought after all. "I didn't think I could be here and watch you die, I thought it would make it easier if I…" Cristina's straight-away speech stopped at this point. Meredith nodded silently, closing her eyes for a moment.

Cristina rose from her seat quickly. "Are you tired?" she wanted to know, and Meredith shook her head slightly, opening her eyes again. "Are you okay? Do you feel cold?" Cristina shot out more questions.

"I'm okay…" her friend replied. "Just sore, but the meds are doing wonders," she assured Cristina who nodded and sat down again slowly.

"It's really okay," Meredith remarked to Cristina's earlier admission.

Cristina only looked at her.

"Dr. Bailey told me you _demanded_ that they tried again to…" Meredith started, and Cristina nodded slowly. "I wouldn't refuse you anything, you know," Meredith smiled again. "I love you," she said quietly. "You're one of the most important people for me."

Meredith did not expect a similar outspoken response from Cristina, seeing in her expression and knowing from everything that had happened that she felt the same way.

Cristina smiled at her slightly. After some moments of silence, she said seriously, "Burke told me to come back to say goodbye to my friend." And she had thought it better to already cut everything off, to walk away, to act as if it was already over, as if she could only try to cope and move on.

Meredith nodded. "You are going to marry him?" She watched Cristina questioningly, remembering the first thing Cristina had told her when she woke up only blurrily.

"Yes," her friend nodded shortly. "Yes," she repeated with more resolution. Meredith reached out weakly to take Cristina's hand.

"Congratulations."

Cristina's smile was the most genuine one Meredith had seen since she had woken up. They sat together in comfortable silence for a while, both knowing that Meredith needed her rest, but unwilling that Cristina left quite yet.

Meredith noticed that Cristina's expression turned rather thoughtful again and when she spoke it sounded both as if she had thought about it for a while and as if she said right way what was on her mind.

"I have a question."

"Ask," Meredith nodded, feeling somewhat worried about what Cristina might want to know, realizing that there could be quite many questions about what had happened, and Meredith was not sure if she could talk about it.

"You know how to swim." Cristina said it more quietly than anything she had said before. Meredith was about to nod, about to speak and try to explain, when Cristina went on, "Okay, that wasn't a question…" She moved somewhat, wondering how to reformulate what she wanted to ask.

"Cristina, it's okay." Meredith realized that there was not a way she would be able to escape this question. And actually she did not even fear to answer it Cristina that much, at least not as much as feared answering it to Derek.

"Can you… Do you…?" Cristina started again.

"I can swim," Meredith replied decidedly.

Cristina nodded slowly, taking her gaze the first time from Meredith, wondering how to go on, how to ask what she wanted to ask. She did not need to come up with a further question, as Meredith continued.

"And I tried to swim," she told her, recalling the moments after she had fallen into the water. Cristina looked at her again observing. "But then I didn't try anymore…"

Cristina watched her silently, unmoving.

"I didn't think there was a point," Meredith added, before she was silent as well for some moments. "It didn't matter to me anymore."

Cristina's silence became unbearably. Cristina who was usually so straight-forward just looked at her. They had shared a comfortable silence earlier but this was far from it.

"It didn't matter to me if I was out or in the water. It didn't matter to me if I disappear or come out again…," Meredith continued, knowing that as much as she might explain it would not change that it was not enough. "It didn't matter to me if I drown… or live." Now she had said it, and there was nothing more she could say, there was nothing more that would make it any clearer.

There was the silence again. It lasted until it broke out of Cristina. "Please talk to me." She rose again from her chair. "I'm sorry if I'm a self-centered bitch, but please talk to me, even if you have to force me to be here."

"You are here," Meredith said soothingly.

Cristina shook her head agitatedly. "I can't believe I only thought about telling you about me and Burke, when I saw that you were not feeling well, that you were off-"

"It's okay. It's me." Meredith sounded quiet and tired.

"How is it you?" Cristina frowned. "Please talk to me if you feel off," she asked her. "You're my person… and I'm yours, you know." She looked at Meredith insistently.

"I don't talk when bad things happen," the blonde replied quietly.

"Then we can't know that there are bad things, can't do anything against them," Cristina said earnestly. "We don't know that there's something to heal if you don't tell that it hurts. We don't cut people open before we know that there's something wrong, you know," she added, wanting her friend to agree.

Meredith nodded. "I'll try."

"You'll better try a lot," Cristina said firmly. She could not walk away again. But neither could she sit and watch.

"Couldn't refuse you anything," Meredith reminded her quietly.


End file.
